Ripples on the brain

Am I some kind of a weirdo attractor or what?

I wait for an auto (rickshaw) on MG Road in Madras. My destination is Eekkaduthangal, near Guindy which should cost me around Rs.75. Generally, my strategy is that I do the “price discovery” with the initial 3-4 autos. So, this time all of them ask me for Rs.130-140 and I start with Rs.60, which I know is somewhat less. I decide that the right fare (or atleast the one I will pay) should be between Rs. 70 and Rs.80. Then comes this autowala clad in a blue shirt. He looks more sophisticated than an usual autowala. I tell him the destination, he asks me for Rs.60. I am mildly shocked, manage to conceal it, check with him the destination and the price again and board the auto. Anyway, the auto begins its journey.

On the way, I notice that the autowala is unusually polite with the other road users and tell myself that I should commend him for it at the end of the journey. Just after he drives for 100-200 metres, he gets a call on his mobile. Considering it was at a signal (and the fine for talking on the mobile while driving is Rs.1000) he doesn’t answer the call. The mobile rings again after he crosses the signal. This time, he asks for excuse, stops the vehicle and answers the call. He talks sufficiently loud on the phone, so that I can hear them.

[I have to reproduce the conversation in Tamil to get the right effect. Read the conversation in Kamal’s ishtyle as you proceed.]

“Yen enna thirumbi thirumbi call panreenga, naa thaan varennu solren ille?… naa enna ATM carda vechchu irukken. ennala enna mudiyumo athe ellam senjittu irukken… [in an emotional tone] en kitte ippothaikku ivlo thaan irukku [saying this, he dramatically takes money out from his shirt pocket. I wonder why he would do it while talking over phone, unless it was to show me]… kadai 10:30 manikku thaan thorakka mudiyum, nethu rathiri lernthu continuousa auto ottikittu irukken…ippothaikku ayiram rooba thaan irukku. paisa kedacha aaspathiri varen, illena suicide pannikuven” [Translation: Why do repeatedly call me, didn’t I tell you I will come? I don’t have an ATM card. I’m doing whatever I can…I have only “this” much money. The shop opens only at 10:30, I’m driving this auto all night…Right now I just have Rs.1000, if I get money I’ll come, otherwise I will commit suicide]

I am amused, but again conceal it and have a straight face. He starts the auto and for sometime, I assume, waits for a response from me. I pretend as if nothing happened.

Then he starts:
“Aaspathri la en wife saar, delivery, caesarean, 6000 ruba venum. love marriage (people in Chennai have this funny habit. In another instance, an young tenant was moving into my brother-in-law’s apartment. He was married, he said and showed his wife’s photo in his wallet to my brother-in-law. That was okay to me, considering tradionally landlords in Chennai don’t prefer bachelors. “Love marriage sir”, he then beamed with pride . To me, it is so funny how Chennaivasis have no problem sharing such information with absolute strangers. I digress). Adutthavanukku help panna manasu thaan saar mukyam, ellarum Tirupathi hundialla poi ayiram ayirama poduvaanga, aana kashta padara oruthanukku help panna mattanga (by this time, he was driving entirely looking at me through the rear view mirror and not at the road. I decide to get down as soon as possible) 11:30 am kkula Rs.6000 venum saar. marundu mathirai vaanganum. neenga enga saar vela pakkareenga?” [Translation: My wife’s at the hospital for delivery, caesarean. We need Rs.6000. Ours was a love marriage. You need a good heart to help people. People generally deposit money at the temple hundis, but do not help others. I need money before 11:30. Where do you work?]

I don’t work here, I say. Then, he does the obvious - ask me for money, help in buying medicines. I would have probably believed his story to a certain extent, had he not over-acted. He asks me about the safety of caesarean operations. I tell him I think they are safe. He then asks me if he can drop me somewhere in between. I tell him yes. He drops me and asks me to pay him whatever I can. Considering we didn’t even travel for 2 kms, I pay him what is due. He complains for sometime and then heads back to the same spot where I boarded the auto.

Ippdilaam kooda nadakkuthu!!! I wonder if the fact that the initial fare he quoted (Rs. 60) was the same as the fare I initially used for bargain with other autowalas was a coincidence!